A Theory to Destroy... and Rebuild...and Destroy again

From time to time I still find people who think (and pull various bits of canon to support the idea) that Snape is a vampire.

Here's what JKR had to say about it in her Mugglenet/TLC interview:
JKR: (cut) It's when people get really off the wall - it's when people devote hours of their time to proving that Snape is a vampire that I feel it's time to step in, because there's really nothing in the canon that supports that.

ES: It's when you look for those things -

JKR: Yeah, it's after the 15th rereading when you have spots in front of your eyes that you start seeing clues about Snape being the Lord of Darkness. So, there are things I shut down just because I think, well, don't waste your time, there's better stuff to be debating, and even if it's wrong, it will probably lead you somewhere interesting. That's my rough theory anyway.

I also thought those Snape-as-vampire supporters were as ridiculous as the Harry/Hermione shippers.

Now, I'm not changing my overall views on the vampire issue. This would be pointless, considering the citation above. However, there's an added complexity to the issue of vampires in the Potterverse now -- JKR's latest Wizard of the Month.

Lorcan d'Eath is part vampire?

We previously learned in the series that vampires are Muggles... at least that's what Hogwarts students are taught. In GoF they are classified as "non-wizard part-humans". In HPB we meet Sanguini, an apparently Italian vampire that provides some comic relief. Perhaps Jo wanted to show us what a Potterverse vampire looks like and how it behaves. Sanguini seems almost mindless, definitely a bit one-track-minded. It's interesting that Sanguini is particularly focused on females. His behavior, though subtle, suggests that he might lust after more than just blood....

So this brings up an interesting question. How do you end up with a wizarding person who is part vampire? Well, if vampires are all Muggle, then the wizarding part-vampire must not be a "pure-blood". This means vampires in the Potterverse mate and the progeny can retain some vestige of vampirism, like pale skin... or a neck fetish.

We also have other Potterverse vampires, like (from HP-Lexicon):

Bludd, Blodwyn Vampire from the "Valleys" (1923 - ?) Known as the "Vampire from the Valleys." Famous for singing to his victims in a sonorous bass baritone, before biting their necks.

Now back to Snape. He's half-blood. He's often described as bat-like. He's pale and has greasy black hair. His eyes are like dark tunnels. He has a commanding voice, even when he speaks just above a whisper. We also have him (in HBP) using a countercurse that sounds like singing. Oddly enough it's used to stop bleeding, but still.... Any chance he's part vampire?

We know little about Tobias Snape. Hermione's interpretation of an old article in the Daily Prophet leads her to think Tobias is/was a Muggle. Since we know Eileen Prince is/was a witch and that Severus is the "Half-Blood Prince", we can assume Tobias is/was Muggle.

Here's the catch. Despite being Muggle, Tobias holds/held some sway over Eileen... enough so that she would cower before him. She seems powerless against him. Where is her magic? Had she become like Merope and lost access to her magical powers due to depression or repression? Had she sworn never to use magic against a Muggle, especially her husband?

Was Tobias not simply a Muggle but also a vampire? If so, this would add to the duplicitous wording of "Half-Blood Prince", making Severus not only of half-wizarding heritage but also half-vampire.

Dumbledore has this tendency to hire and/or surround himself with people who are at some social disadvantage. Several examples:

• Sibyll Trelawney his regarded as a fraud, even though Dumbledore knows she isn't. She's also in danger because she made the prophesy regarding Voldemort and Harry.
• Hagrid is a half-giant who was framed for the murder of (Moaning) Myrtle.
• Mrs. Figg is a Squib, caught between wizarding and Muggle worlds.
• Mr. Filch is a Squib, too, and also a generally un-likeable person.
• Firenze is a Centaur that has abandoned (or been kicked out of) Centaur society.
• Remus Lupin is a werewolf, and werewolves have trouble finding employment because of ministry-enforced restrictions and general wariness throughout wizarding society.
• Aberforth Dumbledore is of questionable magical status and might be illiterate. His lack of housekeeping and personal hygiene, as well as a possible goat fetish, keep him on the outskirts of society, in general.

There are probably more examples, but I think I've made my point.

What if one of the reasons Severus has worked at Hogwarts all these years has to do with his heritage? Was Dumbledore also protecting him from society, in case someone figured out his father was a Vampire? Seems vampires are viewed almost as negatively as werewolves.... This would at least help explain the oft-mentioned fact that Lupin's first assignment after Snape's werewolf essay was an essay on vampires when Lupin's lesson plan wouldn't have called for a lesson on vampires so soon....

So, how about "Half-Prince of Darkness"? What do you think about this idea?

:[

NO! Here's why:

If Snape were half vampire:

• Snape would look more vampiric. If Lorcan d'Eath's pic in the Wizard of the Month section is at all true to his actual appearance (and he's just described as "part" vampire, not "half"), then Snape should have stronger vampiric features.
• Snape would act more vampiric; we'd get little clues that Snape is attracted to blood, or that he seems to focus on people's necks...or that he's easily distracted by the sight of blood. Instead, we see him have no apparent attraction to blood. When Draco is gushing the stuff Snape goes right into healer mode. Sure, he's under an Unbreakable Vow, but I should think that even in such a case JKR would drop hints when there is so much blood around.
• Snape would probably have some sex appeal. No, I'm not talking about fanon Snape here. Loads of people like to romanticize Snape, make him look somewhat attractive, mysteriously alluring. Even I'm guilty of that at times, but canon Snape is "an ugly git." Meanwhile, Sanguini (full-vampire) is preoccupied with the schoolgirls, and Lorcan is considered a "heartthrob singer"; Lorcan seems quite popular with the witches....
• Even the inept Daily Prophet would have mentioned Tobias as a vampire, since the actions and appearance of Sanguini suggest it's pretty easy to spot a vampire.... Besides, they'd love to expose someone as a half-breed or a monster, even if it weren't true.

JKR is quite right to completely squash the idea. Contemplating it any further is a waste of time.